She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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