big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
