so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
