nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
