The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
