Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
