I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
