If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
