We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
