Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
