I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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