Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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