I want to walk on stilts...naked
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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