I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
