You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
