You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
