You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
