Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
