You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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