Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
