i just wanna soil my oats bro
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
