Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
