I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
