I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
