Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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