Apparently you make a good broom.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize