he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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