I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You have to summon your inner elephant
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
