I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
