There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
