remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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