What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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