when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
