You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
