just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Randomize
