So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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