this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize