Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have grass duct taped all over my body
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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