This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's blow job season.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
