NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
