I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
