you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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