He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
