If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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