wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
