so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
