oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
