one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
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