i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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