I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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