I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I want to fling myself into the sun
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
