he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
