I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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