Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize