just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
