Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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