his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
