sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
