I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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