That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think I just sharted jello shots
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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