i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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